holly fleming- (hollyfleming) wrote,
holly fleming-
hollyfleming

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weeehooo* i love having a terrible cold, and then cheering...WEEHOO!*

i'm home sick....with like, this cold/stomach ache thing....and guess what? just to make matters 10 times better, i have to go to cheerleading practice...yeh, that's exactly what i need to make me feel good...hahahaha funny*

i never get praised for trying in cheerleading and it's starting to hurt me, and some other girls...we've talked about it, and for all the sweat, blood, and tears we put into it, we always get told we don't try hard enough...well, i've got some news...i'm my own person and i KNOW when i'm trying....i know that when i'm out there starting as many cheers as i possibly can, doing all these chants, smiling, jumping up and down when we score, that i'm not just sitting there like a dumb-a.....gawd...and like, every game, at halftime, we get told, "Girls, you're just not giving it your all....you don't try....you're not peppy enough, you're not stiff" i'm getting so close to voice my opinion...i cheer because i want to, not because i have to...i'm in it for the fun, the friends, the trips, the excitement...i like to cheer....except for when i'm literally being punished for putting forth effort...it's just not right or ethical, and my self-esteem has went way downhill since i began this year of cheerleading..just because not every girl is as committed or dedicated as the other, the whole squad shouldn't be punished...maybe it isn't us who's the failure...she should point out individuals that need to work on their weaknesses, not everyone...shew....it's just, we keep being told, "girls, we're gonna make this your best year ever...one that you'll never forget...i want you to get over to valley and wish that you could relive that year over and over again" well, it's not working out that way for me...i'm staying on the squad because i'm not a quitter..i don't give up, and i won't give up...but i'm gonna stand for myself from now on...i'm not a doormat, and i won't be...i'm sick of being on a roller coaster of moodswings....so here i go...i have practice in exactly 25 minutes...i'm sick....doesn't that show that i'm a dedicated, loyal cheerleader?? well to me, it does..i could just stay home and say screw it, but i'm better than that....

thanks for listening to me whine and complain...lol sorry guys....i just had to get it offa my chest...it's been bothering me really badly lately, and it's like i'm not "good enough" or that i suck completely...but in my eyes, i try, i know i do, and that's all that should matter*

i love all of you---

comment me*

holly.k.fleming*
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